How Is Humanity Weak? 3

Humans are self-oriented

In the womb, every human being is alone. For nine months, there is no one else in the universe. Then we are born and we have the stark reality of others thrust upon us as a stark reality. However, in our minds, the Other does not exist. There is simply those who provide for our needs. Eventually, we recognize other human beings who might even be equal to us. But the habit of thinking of ourselves as the only individual in the universe is hard to break. Perhaps in general we see others as equal to ourselves, at least philosophically, but when it comes down to it, when stressed or in severe crisis, we take care of ourselves first, or only.

This does not mean that humans cannot be altruistic. They can, although it is rare, and requires a severe form of discipline. But the same firefighter who was willing to sacrifice himself for a victim of a fire might also beat his wife. The philanthropist could ignore her children for her work, and then excuse her wrong as “necessity.” In the end, we put energy into that which we feel compelled to focus on, not because it is right or because it helps the most people, but because we have some innate drive to do so.

It is fascinating to hear people talk about “love”, meaning erotic or romantic attachment. This love more than any other is driven by inner need, yet it is spoken of at times as altruistic, as focus on the Other. Another person is involved in erotic love almost by default, but erotic love does not in any way necessitate the benefit of the other. Rather, erotic love is driven exclusively by inner desire, and when that desire acts in opposition to the other’s need, then the other is sacrificed on the altar of Love. Romeo and Juliet were perfect examples of the inner selfish drive ignoring the needs of the Other. Yes, they loved the object of their desire, but ignored the needs of everyone else and allowed their families to be destroyed for the sake of their desire.

Another kind of love is often confused with selflessness, which is parental love. Again, this is a love that is based on an inner drive, not necessarily focused on the needs of the other. We can see this in the abuses of parental love. How often does fatherly love—the love of provision and discipline—turn into the narrow-focused selfishness of a workaholic or an abuser? And motherly love—the love of empathy and benevolence—can easily turn into co-dependence or depression, if the love is driven by inner need instead of the need of the other.
All too often do we call our selfishness “love” and then excuse all the wrongs we do because they were done out of “love”. “Love” is only a benefit when it is done out of knowledge and true concern for the Other, not due to single-minded adherence to our inner drives.