The Marriage Problem

C.S. Lewis summarizes Christian sexual morality like this: “Either marriage with complete faithfulness to your partner, or else total abstinence.” I think this is generally true, but given the circumstances of the last century, I’d like to refine it a bit.

First of all, marriage. For the most part, marriage is an act of the state. Yes, it could be something a church participates in, but a church leader has to be licensed by the state to perform a state marriage, that is, one that is recognized as legally binding by the state. This is important for tax and insurance reasons, as well as any other which legally demands that one determine who one’s family is. In a single act, two legal strangers become the closest family one has, and this is marriage. This has nothing to do with sexuality, per se, of if it does, it is secondary.

It is unfortunate that the legal issue is tied with the Christian sexuality issue. Why, if a couple wants to be sexually faithful to each other before God, should they have to pay sixty five dollars to the state? God doesn’t need the processing fee, and neither should the church. If two people are devoting their lives together, why should the state get involved at all? Originally it was not so. The second marriage ceremony we have on record is this: “Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and he took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her” (Gen 24:67 NAU). Here, we have everything that is needed for a marriage: cohabitation, community recognition (Isaac’s father and servant was involved in the marriage, approving it), sexual connection and faithfulness. That is marriage.

Frankly, until the state and the church became so ingrained, there wasn’t any necessity of state recognition of a marriage. “Marriage” as we know it today with its legal ramifications and religious connection and divorce proceedings, is an accident of various historical and cultural accidents. And Christian sexual morality should have little to do with it.
The core of what Christian sexuality demands is a couple who is faithful to each other: sexually, emotionally and to meet each others basic needs. It is the core of faithful Christian community and an example of how Jesus and the church love each other. Thus, a Christian marriage is one in which the partners support each other, are faithful to each other and are committed to each other for life. And they are sexually connected with each other as well, denying any sexual connection to others. So instead of the word “marriage” which brings in with it so many unfortunate connotations, I believe that a term like “faithful partnership” would be better when speaking of Christian sexuality.